once…

dear sodom, dear salt pillar

friend, you delight in the doom of your recurring dreams. love, you orchestrate this city nightmare. we’ve identified the issue, evacuated the innocent: there’s nothing helpless here, nobody left to save. no body left burning but mine.

once I thought this could be the place; but, I learned, heart-shattered, skin sagging, that only the young and beautiful thrive inside your mouth.

once, I called this place cathedral, ignored the glass & blame & broken windows. you keep a princess in your see-through tower, & I, miserable at your feet. 


women like me, tired with teeth, are ghosts & graffiti scrawled, are condemned buildings, are the dumping ground foundations that feed the dreams that cowboys dream: foul play at the fountain of youth, a tragic addiction, indeed.

once I thought I’d die like this: old and lonely, unadorned. But, now I see a new way out— I may never be as beautiful, you’ve never called me innocent. & yes, my exit plan is unromantic. But, if growing up will save me, this time, I’ll take it. If solitude is a pill to swallow, I’ll take anything to prove alive. 


I’ll take whatever left, every piece. I’ll take what I can, in tact and otherwise. I’ll take the names & accusations, every last one: what your brothers call me, what your silence leaves razed. I’ll take my name: more wisdom and song and siren than your mouth could hold shut. 


& out of this waking nightmare, I’ll run—