PSA— "Self Care" is for those of us who need to take care of ourselves in order to show up for those of you who don't believe in taking care of yourself or others; for those of you who don't see that there are people who love you that have shown up, stood fast, and held you up when you couldn't (and, according to your Nazification of the term, wouldn't/wont).
My abusive, alcoholic stepfather would say the same thing. He'd call the need for an individual to protect their health and wellness and happiness over catering to HIS demands "selfish".
He also called himself a buddhist, shaved his head, wore grey, and came home got drunk and beat up on my mother and I, snuck into my room at night, gaslit and emotionally fucked with me for most of my young life; until I left home.
He also called himself a writer and a poet. He still does.
There's nothing selfish about taking care of oneself or advocating for personal wellness. It is not individualism. It is not indulgence. And it isn't EASY. If anything, taking care of oneself is labor. And to advocate for oneself is no easy task. For some of us, it is hard work to get out of bed, shower, leave the house, eat something, find reason to be human, everyday. But we do it so that we can show up. Because we WANT to show up, however we can, so that other folks don't feel alone in their journeys as we may once have (or continue to feel).
Self care encourages kindness inward and out. We have to stay healthy for one another, especially now. We gotta.
& I'm no historian, but I don't think Hitler was big into "kindness": to self or other.
written on facebook, July 1st 2018
self protection is an act of self love. self love is an act of bravery. you do not have to lay down in front of freight trains. you do not have to throw yourself into gridlock and darkness to prove your goodness, the depth of your heart, your pathos. you do not need to break yourself in order to show up— to prove you care and that you care hard.
you do not need to prove yourself, period.
you have quietly made home inside heartache after heartache for too long. you are allowed to wonder why, what for?
you are not wrong.
I see y’all, too—
we’re looking for home: a safe space that should not have been taken from us in the first place.
shout out to all of y’all who do the work, and the work of others, in building and nurturing community.
shout out to all of y’all who do the work, and the work of others, in holding steadfast (& dismantling when necessary) the structures meant to serve us.
shout out to all of y’all who do the work, and the work of others, in seeing and tending to the wounded, the hurting.
you are all so necessary. this is a battle, daily. thank you for your selflessness, your generosity of heart, your bravery—
— i am humbled to know you; to be able to bear witness to what you do.